I am probably a little late on this. Since we are now gawking at henna-ed hands and a katori of halwa, the newlyweds Katrina Kaif and Vicky Kaushal are presently in the Maldives which seems the top choice this season for Covid-hit couples. Those tying the knot, those in love, those who haven’t lost their jobs or livelihoods, those whose lives on Instagram help us forget the year that is and was.
So, after dating since 2019, Kaushal and Kaif decided to do the honours and celebrate their wedding ceremonies in Sabyasachi (the official couturier to the stars) at Six Senses Fort Barwara in Rajasthan's Sawai Madhopur. The three-day festivities included haldi, sangeet and wedding ceremonies.
Around 120 guests were part of the heavily guarded gala that was also attended by filmmaker Kabir Khan, his wife Mini Mathur, actor Neha Dhupia and her husband Angad Bedi, among others. The Internet naturally went ballistic — and soon, there were aspersions on who footed the bill for the ostentatious marriage — and tongue in cheek memes soon started floating around of Vicky being allowed to work by Kat and how the superstar who now also owns a popular makeup brand is the primary breadwinner in the family. And how she also footed the whopping wedding expenses!
There’s also talk that Katrina is footing 75 percent of the expenses and supposedly the venue had offered itself free for promotional purposes. Be prepared that every wedding now in your family and extended circles will make a beeline for the same venue with the trending hashtag #shukhr. Sabr. Khushi.
Let’s move on and look at some glaring facts about desi weddings — dowry. And how even in liberal families that proudly claim that their daughters are not for sale, say, even in my progressive Bengali, upper-middle-class family, almost all my aunts and sisters who got married had their bedrooms in their in-law’s home decorated and flooded with a new bed, almirah, sofa set, dressing table, and, even electronic items from the father.
This is over and above the trays after trays of tattwa (trousseau) that are sent over to the groom’s home on the morning of the haldi ceremony which flags off marriage day; and, also, more trays after trays on the phoolsojjhe (the night where the newly-wed couple are allowed to share a bed, usually a day after their marriage) — this is not to mention how the whole cost of the wedding is on the girl’s side.
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Yes, the reception is hosted by the boy’s side, but we have been treating our women as material commodities and trading them, using the term trousseau or regional terms like tattwa, when in reality, these obsolete customs that may have originated in primordial times mean flooding the man’s family and him with material wealth.
In 2020, reported dowry death cases in India amounted to nearly 7,000. This was a gradual decrease from 2014, in which this number was approximately 8,500. The dowry system in India incorporates payments in the form of capital, durable goods, real estate among others, made to the bridegroom from the family of the bride as a condition for marriage.
Until its amendment in 2005, the Hindu Succession Act of 1956 was clearly more biased towards the male next of kin in matters associated with property inheritance. The amendment ensured that women had the right to their parents’ property irrespective of being married. However, in practice, the inheritance of women is socially handed down to her as dowry in marriage which naturally leads to financial dependence on the husband or the in-laws. To prevent the economic abuse of women, the Dowry Prohibition Act of 1961 was passed by the government which prohibits the giving or taking of dowry in India. But, the ground reality is sordidly different!
Dowry-related matters accounted for the lives of 19 women every day in 2020, the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB) data has revealed. A total of 6,966 cases of dowry deaths, with 7,045 victims, were reported last year, the crime bureau report said. The number of dowry deaths stood at 7,141 in 2019 and 7,167 in 2018. In all, as 10,366 cases were registered under The Dowry Prohibition Act in 2020 against 13,307 cases in 2019 and 12,826 cases in 2018. The crime rate per one lakh people in 2020 stood at 1.6. The highest number of cases was registered in Uttar Pradesh at 2,274 with 2,302 victims. This was followed by Bihar, where the number of cases reported was 1,046, with 1,047 victims. A total of 608 cases were registered in Madhya Pradesh, followed by West Bengal (522), Rajasthan (479), Odisha (320), Jharkhand (275), and Haryana (251). In Delhi, 110 cases of dowry deaths were reported in 2020.
The thing is until we stop as a collective in basking in the reflected glory of someone else’s dream marriage or nursing unreal expectations of our own fairytale, we will continue seeing these hair-raising figures and turning a blind eye, or shrugging our shoulders and saying this does not happen in our so-called liberal families. Such gory statistics only are limited to lower-income families. But, here’s the deal. Women are no better than cattle in the marriage market. Ads in the country’s top dailies and in the popular Sunday matrimonial advertisements are still hankering overqualified and working women. Be part of family WhatsApp groups where the husband makes a joke about her weight and where she laughs, even as she cringes inwardly at being referred to as a ‘moti bhais’.
The anniversary arrives or an occasion like Jamai Shoshti, a day when the daughter’s mothers make a beeline for fish and prawn and mutton or book for a meal at the city’s most sought after 5-star and arrange trays again, spilling over with gifts for the boy and his family. A token of gratitude that he’s keeping the daughter happy. That he’s bought an apartment and works a 9 to 5.
So, I know you think I am an angry Indian feminist (read, feminsazi) and because I founded Status Single — India’s first and only community for urban single women — I must be crying foul against marriage that is considered the supreme form of settlement. Actually, you may be right in a country where kids beg at traffic lights and women are murdered for dowry or hang themselves, I am no fan. But, here’s why I think I kinda like Kat. While I think she’s a mediocre actor, I think she kinda killed it in decoding the math of her own wedding and being unapologetic in sponsoring everything she wanted and probably dreamt of — and not hiding the fact that she is the bigger star!
And, if she wanted a big, fat, three-day party, she jolly well, had one!
I mean, for ages, we have as women had to downsize our bridal life — we had to cough up lakhs and then justify that with age-old religious and socio-cultural customs that ended with the father of the girl washing the groom’s feet or the girl throwing a fistful of rice over her shoulders, her mascara bleeding. Kat on the other hand, had her sisters walk her down the aisle, carry the floral chaddar, and, also she danced the living daylights with her father-in-law and smeared turmeric on the chiselled, bare body of her beau.
Jus sayin!
Katrina Kaif’s net worth is around Rs 240 crore which is much higher than that of Vicky Kaushal who has a net worth of Rs 25 crore. Yes, this means that Katrina's net worth is approximately Rs 200 crore more than her to-be-husband Vicky’s.
Surely, that calls for the hashtag. Shukr. Sabr. Khushi.
Read that again!
The author is the bestselling author of ‘Sita’s Curse’, India’s first feminist erotica, and ‘Status Single’ and the founder of India’s first and only community for urban single women. She is also a leading columnist on sexuality and gender. Views expressed are personal.
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